Visiting Peace

Time for me to schedule some visits with peace. Peace is the place I can rest and not worry, the place to be good with wherever I am, the feeling of knowing that all is well. Peace is where I go to rebuild my confidence in my ability to just be. Whatever else is going on, outside of that peaceful place, does not impact peace’s abode.

The hope is that someday I will carry peace with me, into every situation, and in every breath. I aspire to truly be a peaceful person. Like every other aspiration I have, this one is a work in progress.

The source of peace lies in the Savior, and the power of the Atonement.

“Heavenly Father loves us and wants us to be free from the consequences of our loved one’s addiction. It is important to remember that He did not give us these trials—rather, they are a result of our loved ones’ poor choices. But Heavenly Father can use our trials to help us grow, progress, and become more like Him (see D&C 122).

As we exercise faith, we can feel the purifying influence and peace of His Spirit, and He will replace ‘beauty for ashes’ (Isaiah 61:3).

As we cry unto the Lord, He will bless and comfort us in significant ways. While we may not always receive exactly what we ask for, the Lord is still blessing us. The people of Alma were not immediately released from bondage, but ‘the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens’ (Mosiah 24:15). With the Lord’s help, we can find peace”.

ARP Principle 12

My health coach made a suggestion the other day. I have chronic pain, and she asked me what I did in those moments to find peace. Okay, maybe she used some other word, but I heard, “Peace”. She offered to give me some meditation techniques, or breathing exercises. That moment helped me see that in order to have peace, I need to visit there often. Making appointments to just be in a peaceful state, and then choosing to take peace as a companion for my day, that is what will help me obtain peace.

Where can I turn for peace? First, the Lord. Second, myself and the inner strength He has given me. And third, by making quiet and frequent visits with peace.

-With love, Allie

Triggers are a reminder

re·mind·er
rəˈmīndər/
noun
noun: reminder; plural noun: reminders

-a thing that causes someone to remember something.
“the watchtower is a reminder of the days when an enemy might appear at any moment”
-a message or communication designed to ensure that someone remembers something.
-a letter sent to remind someone of an obligation, especially to pay a bill.

Apparently, I have a bill due. Things have been going fairly well, marriage counseling has been helping, and I have felt moments of great peace.

One child got married, in a beautiful location. One child is going through a divorce, and I’m grateful to be here for them. One child moved out, two states away (near another sib). One child transferred schools, and has been cutting. One child is finally taller than I, now I’m the shortest. We bought a home in our favorite little area here. There is less anger in our home. And, the Savior is still standing beside me.

Nevertheless, my body is reminding  me I have work to do…for me. I was driving with my kids, headed to visit family out-of-town. My H was home alone. He sent me a text saying, “I just sent you an email”. Unusual. Suddenly my mind, and therefore body, were transported to D days past. I almost had to pull over, I was shaking and queasy. Hot fear and uncertainty boiled up in my body.

No, he hadn’t relapsed (or slipped, or whatever the kids are calling it nowadays). It was about something else entirely. I had to practice my instant care for self: deep breathing, visualizing peace, transport my mind to safety.

Yet, I have an obligation, a bill to pay, to myself. I am letting the craziness of life catch up to me. Past trauma, current stress, being a full-time student, new home, and not taking care of my body.

23 Types of Meditation

Another beautiful tool for taking care of me, is being kind to others. Within my current ability. And, I am much more able to do that now, than I was a year or two, or three, or five, ago.

Have you heard about #LIGHTtheWORLD?

Light the World – World Day of Service

-With love, Allie

I get by with a little help from my friends

The Beatles had it right. We all need somebody to love. I had a theory about friendship in my early 20’s that was amazingly wise, considering I was only 20 something. Do you remember those ball sorter toys from ages ago?

For me, friendship is similar to the principle of this toy. Only one size of ball can make it through all the holes to the deepest part of the toy. In friendship, casual relationships have less depth. At the time of my theory, those were the friends I had the longest, who I’d been through the most with, who knew me the best.

Over time, I have come to realize that friends who have gone through similar pain have a lot of depth, even if there hasn’t been as much time invested in them. Yet. Women with children can connect as mothers. Women who have had miscarriages, people who have lost loved ones, etc…

Along this journey of my own recovery, I have found friendships and support that have saved my sanity, my peace, and have held me up. In the beginning of my journey there were friends who were honest with me, even when it hurt. The LDS ARP manual for spouses and loved ones says the following:

“True friends stand by us through difficult times. They listen to our problems and experiences with understanding and love. They give us ideas and suggestions that we may not think about. Genuine friends will tell us the truth even when it is hard, and they will respect our agency and not tell us how to live our lives”. LDS ARP Spouse and Family Support, Principle/Step 6

Henry B Eyring, “All of us will be tested. And all of us need true friends to love us, to listen to us, to show us the way, and to testify of truth to us so that we may retain the companionship of the Holy Ghost”. True Friends

I would not be where I am without the many friends God has placed in my path. Friends have come in answer to prayer, spoke truth, encouraged, led by example, comforted with words and silence, held my hand, wiped my tears, offered escape, and accepted my flaws. I am grateful to have a few friends that know the depth of my pain. I am grateful to have friends who know nothing about my H’s addiction and I can escape that identity when I need that. I am grateful for all levels of friendship I have in my life. Mostly I am grateful that Heavenly Father has sent me help and loved me through other people.

It is important to share selectively about addiction. There are those who cannot handle that kind of burden, who would criticize our loved one, who would be uncomfortable with that knowledge. Knowing whom to share with is key.

President James E. Faust: “We can go to others for help. To whom can we go? Elder Orson F. Whitney (1855–1931) of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles asked and answered this question: ‘To whom do we look, in days of grief and disaster, for help and consolation? . . . They are men and women who have suffered, and out of their experience in suffering they bring forth the riches of their sympathy and condolences as a blessing to those now in need. Could they do this had they not suffered themselves?’”

We are not meant to be isolated in this journey! Somewhere in our lives are the kind of friends we need. Maybe at church, maybe in our family, maybe in a support group. Maybe in the least likely place. They are there. Pray for them. Pray that you will be led to them. Pray that someone who needs a friend will find you!

My WoPA friends, my tribe of amazing women, my girls…they all are a part of bearing my burden. I am grateful.

-With love, Allie